Your preferred options on new wagons

Dass

Dass

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A mate of mine is thinking about buying a new 7.5 tonner in the next month or so.
I got to thinking about it and I think the manufacturers are missing a trick here.
Why don’t they sell new wagons with all of the optional extras that get added when a bunch of scaffolders get their hands on one.

The ‘Extras’ list

Wheelbarrow on back (with flat tyre nicked off the last site visited)

5ft ladder on back (reason or usefulness unknown as no fecker knows where it came from or who put it on)

Empty milk crate (to put in high lifts without putting a dummy lift in)

1 gin wheel (must be very old/rusty/not working)

Various empty pop/milk/juice bottles (to decorate top of dashboard behind windscreen)

Ashtray ripped off (only to be used when floor is full anyway)

Foodstains (various) on seats

Several empty McDonalds bags/boxes/wrappers to stop the above bottles moving about too much)

Several banners displaying company name and tel number (to be wedged behind drivers seat to prevent it from being pushed back too far)

Empty cigarette packets in various areas of cab (at least 4 different brands preferable)

Several switches to be removed/snapped off/not working ( if heating switch is damaged please ensure it is stuck on hot in summer or on cold in winter)

At least one warning light to be lit up on dashboard at all times (has to be the one no fecker knows what it means)

Front bumper to have the standard split in it (due to required collision with gatepost/high kerb/other vehicle)

At least one rear mudguard has to be damaged (knowledge of person who caused damage must be denied or persons falsely accused)

At least one lightbulb to be out (two preferably but one will do)

At least 4 old scafftags in broken holders in door pockets (must be at least 14 months old)

Old packet of winegums with one sweet left in it (to see if trainee will eat it and them tell him its been there for 3 years)

At least 6 old hi-vis vests stuck behind passenger seat (4 with other scaffold company names on and 2 with main contractor names on)

5yo copy of A-Z (with at least 17 pages missing including 4 from index)

Pile of old job sheets (please ensure these have not been filled in correctly)

3 Ladbrokes pens and 2 from Argos (none of them can actually be used to write, must be used to pick ears/make holes in seats/leave name on inside of sun visor)

Front windscreen to be complete with muddy footprints

Nearside door mirror to be cracked (more desirable if held in position with duck tape)

Various lengths of ropes (each to have at least 3 knots in each)

1 ratchet strap (must be frayed in at least 3 places)

Vehicle to be overloaded (rear springs preferably bending wrong way)


What feature would you have?
 
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footprints on the dash
at least 1 window missing or cracked
silver foil with a trace of skunk
bits ripped off the said fag packets for roachs
empty coke wraps that were finished off 7 o clock monday morning after being found in the wallet pocket of the weekend
crushed lager cans with just alittle left in
boots without laces
unsigned handovers
a massive hole in the body off bombing 5s
"dont call " written in the dirt just before the company phone number
t*$*M is a nonce written in the same dirt
a half inch spanner
loads of old sthil saw blades
fittings stuck between the body and cab
footprints on top of the cab off the massive lift
a football no one ever uses
someones trainers that havent worked for the firm for at least 6 year
earwigs
 
Don't forget the family of mice nesting in drivers seat ,, hate th fcukin mice ,,,,,
 
At least one of the windows has to be held in place with a chisel or screwdriver because the winding mechanism has f****d up or the handle has been snapped off
 
4 seater cabs, as every time you see a lorry its 4 in the cab.
heaters & wipers don't work.
tobacco all over the cab as when you try make a joint the fcuking driver slams on the brakes.
on the subject of slamming on the brakes, always drivers responsibility to sort the bed out when you get to the next job as the dull cnut who caused the mess not the passengers.
have a dodgy operators license next to the photo copied tax disk.
have a rule book in cab so labourers know the rules of having to sit in the middle as he has not yet earned the right to sit next to the door.:D
 
Dodgy cut down McDonalds straws for snorting some kind of powder, on a Friday, on the way to the local strippers... ;)
 
Countless unsuccessful scratchcards on the floor and dash :)
 
FFS boy's, I thought mine were bad but maybe I do work for perfect scaffolding after all. Nah, just looked at the 7.5 tonner, seen the fag packets and feet prints on the windscreen and when you open the door all you can smell is baws and ass.:eek::sick:
 
Dass said:
Wheelbarrow on back (with flat tyre nicked off the last site visited)
Click to expand...

Mate you can 'part exchange' wheelbarrows with flat tyres at the next convenient site. No need to carry a bad barrow with you :cheesy:
 
Fukk me... he uses them as earings, lol. - Full up! rofl!!!

Hes the only man i know who can headbutt notches into boards.
Actually, i think he also just headbutts a fitting 'till it does up, lol.
 
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