Flinty
Moderator
How to be a useless pr!ck part four!
Its another episode in the how to be a useless prick series, this time we will cover labourers, the grunts of the industry, the poor down trodden dog faces. Perhaps more than anyone they won't need to read this guide, as most will come natural.
Past episodes:
Part one, transport:
http://www.scaffoldersforum.com/sca...ide-being-useless-google-page-ranking-ck.html
Part two, members of the public:
http://www.scaffoldersforum.com/sca...-useless-google-page-ranking-ck-part-two.html
Part three, Site agents, contractors and other 'suits and boots'
http://www.scaffoldersforum.com/sca...seless-google-page-ranking-ck-part-three.html
However for those wishing to learn the ways of the scabby pr!ck, I can advise the following:
Treat every day like its your first day scaffolding. Despite doing it now for over 6 months, when you're asked for a double, reply "uuuh, a what?"
Spend an entire evening smoking strong skunk, since you have nothing better to do with yourself, and wonder into work the next day still off your face. Think that telling the scaffolder that you're stoned will make him laugh, love you that bit more and tell you not to worry, and to just sit in the lorry all day. He won't, but do it anyway.
This can also apply to alcohol. Get completely wasted on Sunday night, have beer in your cornflakes then just about manage to stagger into work. Then for some unknown reason try to blag it saying "uh I don't understand why I'm so drunk, I only had 1 beer on Saturday at a BBQ"
When asked for an 8' tube, do a stupid Hitler salute against the tube as some sort of idiotic way of working out whether its 8' or 6'.
Fail to understand what doubles, Barney Rubbles and 90s, have in common.
When a scaffolder shouts "single" at you, shout back "No I'm not but thanks for asking", since that's hilarious, and he won't have heard it before.
Once you're standing up 21s, its time to start your misguided sense of self importance. But carry on with your idiocy. Lean 21s against a plastic gutter of someones house at an awkward angle and wonder off, leaving the boss to somehow miraculously catch the 21 before it smashes some cars while still talking on his mobile.
Stand 21s up without looking behind you, so you can proceed to smash lamp posts and anything else breakable. If causing damage that will costs money isn't your thing, simply land the boss with an angry phone call by standing a 21 up by digging it into the grass lawn of a customers garden.
Since now, in your mind at least, you're a big rufty tufty scaffolder, show off your awesome power by carrying two 21s on your shoulder whenever the boss is around to try and impress him. Then when hes not around, carry a single 5' each time and leave others to carry the long.
Your phone is your best friend. And assume nobody minds you using it instead of pulling your weight. The best times to get your phone out are as follows:
-When chaining up lots of gear, especially if its means leaving the bloke below you clinging onto a 21 or a tin sheet screaming at you while you clumsily tap away at your screen to say "lllooolll yh m8"
-When off loading the lorry, especially if the lorries blocking access somewhere as you'll piss even more people off than normal.
-When there's only 2 of you and its late in the day and near the end of the job, despite the scaffolder screaming at you, your mrs must know that you love her, and your other mrs must know too.
This is but a simple guide for you, young labourer, in how to be a scabby pr!ck, as you will find more ways in your journey to alienate yourself from your fellow scaffs, and in no time at all you'll be back on the dole being an even bigger useless, scabby, pr!ck.
Its another episode in the how to be a useless prick series, this time we will cover labourers, the grunts of the industry, the poor down trodden dog faces. Perhaps more than anyone they won't need to read this guide, as most will come natural.
Past episodes:
Part one, transport:
http://www.scaffoldersforum.com/sca...ide-being-useless-google-page-ranking-ck.html
Part two, members of the public:
http://www.scaffoldersforum.com/sca...-useless-google-page-ranking-ck-part-two.html
Part three, Site agents, contractors and other 'suits and boots'
http://www.scaffoldersforum.com/sca...seless-google-page-ranking-ck-part-three.html
However for those wishing to learn the ways of the scabby pr!ck, I can advise the following:
Treat every day like its your first day scaffolding. Despite doing it now for over 6 months, when you're asked for a double, reply "uuuh, a what?"
Spend an entire evening smoking strong skunk, since you have nothing better to do with yourself, and wonder into work the next day still off your face. Think that telling the scaffolder that you're stoned will make him laugh, love you that bit more and tell you not to worry, and to just sit in the lorry all day. He won't, but do it anyway.
This can also apply to alcohol. Get completely wasted on Sunday night, have beer in your cornflakes then just about manage to stagger into work. Then for some unknown reason try to blag it saying "uh I don't understand why I'm so drunk, I only had 1 beer on Saturday at a BBQ"
When asked for an 8' tube, do a stupid Hitler salute against the tube as some sort of idiotic way of working out whether its 8' or 6'.
Fail to understand what doubles, Barney Rubbles and 90s, have in common.
When a scaffolder shouts "single" at you, shout back "No I'm not but thanks for asking", since that's hilarious, and he won't have heard it before.
Once you're standing up 21s, its time to start your misguided sense of self importance. But carry on with your idiocy. Lean 21s against a plastic gutter of someones house at an awkward angle and wonder off, leaving the boss to somehow miraculously catch the 21 before it smashes some cars while still talking on his mobile.
Stand 21s up without looking behind you, so you can proceed to smash lamp posts and anything else breakable. If causing damage that will costs money isn't your thing, simply land the boss with an angry phone call by standing a 21 up by digging it into the grass lawn of a customers garden.
Since now, in your mind at least, you're a big rufty tufty scaffolder, show off your awesome power by carrying two 21s on your shoulder whenever the boss is around to try and impress him. Then when hes not around, carry a single 5' each time and leave others to carry the long.
Your phone is your best friend. And assume nobody minds you using it instead of pulling your weight. The best times to get your phone out are as follows:
-When chaining up lots of gear, especially if its means leaving the bloke below you clinging onto a 21 or a tin sheet screaming at you while you clumsily tap away at your screen to say "lllooolll yh m8"
-When off loading the lorry, especially if the lorries blocking access somewhere as you'll piss even more people off than normal.
-When there's only 2 of you and its late in the day and near the end of the job, despite the scaffolder screaming at you, your mrs must know that you love her, and your other mrs must know too.
This is but a simple guide for you, young labourer, in how to be a scabby pr!ck, as you will find more ways in your journey to alienate yourself from your fellow scaffs, and in no time at all you'll be back on the dole being an even bigger useless, scabby, pr!ck.
