How to be a useless pr!ck part five!

Flinty

Flinty

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How to be a useless pr!ck part 5

The Boss

Welcome to a landmark, part 5, of the 'how to be a useless pr!ck' series. In the time this series has run it has been observed that many have been reading and applying this guide to their everyday lives to ensure the scaffolders life is as stressful as possible. But now we must look at those who command us, as they are not immune. It's time for the gaffers to know how to do it.

The previous parts of the series:

Part one, transport:
http://www.scaffoldersforum.com/sca...ide-being-useless-google-page-ranking-ck.html

Part two, members of the public:
http://www.scaffoldersforum.com/sca...-useless-google-page-ranking-ck-part-two.html

Part three, Site agents, contractors and other 'suits and boots'
http://www.scaffoldersforum.com/sca...seless-google-page-ranking-ck-part-three.html

Part four, labourers
http://www.scaffoldersforum.com/sca...useless-google-page-ranking-ck-part-four.html


There is every chance that you have been a useless pr!ck your entire life, and now being the owner of a company is no reason to stop this tradition. A good place to start is the organisation of your company. For example:

Why build racks for your kit, as that uses up gear! Simply leave it lying in the dirt, its not like fittings and tube rusts.

Don't bother writing anything down, like phone numbers or those really important jobs that had to be done at a certain time.... you'll remember them.... won't you?

When nagged to get a map for the wagon, go to a carboot sale and find a UK road map book for a 40p..... the 1990 edition.

Don't buy new kit, as you know your rivals yard is just round the corner and they leave the yard early


When dealing with your men, remember morale is over rated:

Pay your men peanuts, then ponder why you only have monkeys working for you

Send men that are 15 minutes from one of your sites to a job 90 minutes away, and the the lads 20 minutes away from that job to the other site

Reward every request for a payrise, with a p45

Tell all the men that works tight and everyone's wages are being cut, before announcing that everyones going to have to work late because of all the extra jobs coming in and drive off in your brand new 4x4.

Don't supply your men with any PPE what so ever

Ask your men 15 minutes into their breakfast "Ready to go back?"


Stupid things to do:

Tell every customer they are your "bestest customer" to butter them up, and find they then ask the world of you with petty, constant demands and remind you "I'm your bestest best customer!"

Come onto a scaffolders forum, boasting and bragging about how great you are in your opinion, failing to realise that there's scaffs on there who work out who you actually are

Complain scaffs aren't like what they were when you were a simple scaff, before attempting to top a 21' at face height and dropping it on a bus

Ignore every mechanical fault with your fleet by telling your men to "turn up the radio to block out the noise"


Good conversations to make yourself look like an ejiit:

Boss:"Go strike that tower in Witney"
Worker:"We don't have any jobs up in Witney"
Boss:"We do, that tower you did last week"
Worker:"I didn't do any jobs in Witney last week"
Boss:"You did!"
Worker:"You mean that tower in Leafield?"
Boss:"Yeah!"
Worker:"So that tower in Leafield"
Boss:".... yeah...."

Worker:"One of the tyres on the van has blown, its worn out"
Boss:"Tyres don't just blow out!"

Boss:"That one looks fit"
Worker:"No boss they aint, shes about 80"
Boss:"Oh, what about that one!"
Worker:"Shes about 14 boss so no"
Boss:"Oh my eyes are bad.... cooooor look at that one!"
Worker:"Thats Adi boss, he works for you"

So simple minded gaffer, your position of responsibility is no reason to end your reign as a scabby pr!ck. Follow this guide to ensure your customers, your workforce and more often than not, your wife, think you are a useless, scabby, pr!ck.
 
u have posted some funny entertaing post over past few months flinty pal hope they keep comin lol
 
hilarious matey a day in the life of a scaffolder we all seem to live the same life dealing with timber frame at the moment example' 1 st lift 0.7 2nd lift 2.7 third lift 4.7 now there telling us we don't want the 1 st but still want to land pallets of slates on it also no ties allowed but i guess thats why there paid more lol.....
 
scaffyduck said:
hilarious matey a day in the life of a scaffolder we all seem to live the same life dealing with timber frame at the moment example' 1 st lift 0.7 2nd lift 2.7 third lift 4.7 now there telling us we don't want the 1 st but still want to land pallets of slates on it also no ties allowed but i guess thats why there paid more lol.....
Click to expand...

What about the Apollo timber ties, they work pretty good for kits. Also, put the 0.7 at the top, then remove when the slating is done.
 
told them about them ties dont want any because of the plaster there using cant be patched i know what your saying about lift height but there saying they asked for 2 lifts one just below gutter and one 2m down they dont want to pay for the kicker so take it out so no one wants to use it .....
 
is that that insulations **** dones 3 timer frames with it on now big fek of insulation then plasterd on to ti local houses are all getting it on now when the kid on the estate find out it crnt be patched and a bb gun will make pritty holes in it or maby even a good kick of a footie its gonna cost ££££££££££££££
 
Ah, I think that is slightly different with all that insulation. I thought that was just for existing housing stock to be brought up to code though, any new build and all the insulation would be on the inside?

We did it on a 4 storey K-rend finished building and the holes were capped.
 
aom said:
Ah, I think that is slightly different with all that insulation. I thought that was just for existing housing stock to be brought up to code though, any new build and all the insulation would be on the inside?

We did it on a 4 storey K-rend finished building and the holes were capped.
Click to expand...


yeha new build them i had to go on sort out for 3 feking days when the advanced had done it lol, but yeha just the timber framed then the insulation aan then the plaster, but ill get a few pic of the local council house 1's on the back that have eletrical cable sand the havent featch them of the wall na nowt just insulated round them look w@nk
 
Didn't think they put insulation in a cavity on a new build. The history round here should tell them that the cavity has always been there for a reason and any cavity filled with anything has always resulted in damp unless your roughcast was perfect.
 
aom said:
Didn't think they put insulation in a cavity on a new build. The history round here should tell them that the cavity has always been there for a reason and any cavity filled with anything has always resulted in damp unless your roughcast was perfect.
Click to expand...

theres ne cavity just the timber frames then about 6 insh of insulation with like chicken wire on it then its plasterd :laugh: or are we getting wires crossed ?
 
No, I get that just thought all new builds should have a cavity. No cavity = damp house due to capillary action.;)
 
aom said:
No, I get that just thought all new builds should have a cavity. No cavity = damp house due to capillary action.;)
Click to expand...

capillary atraction whats how solder works ;) lol yeha have no idea how they get around it ill see if it maby had 3 4 courses of brick at the bottome to have a cavity all be it a small 1, the bew build traditional builds are not using kingspan any more but pumped with like expanding form and surley that will get rid of the cavity
 
New one on me marra, might just not be used round here due to the conditions or more than likely we are just 10 years behind everyone else.
 
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